In Which Tony Stark Buys the Avengers
by Nienna Nir
Summary: Tony Stark doesn't play well with others as a general rule. When he does manage to find people he can get along with he does what he can to keep them, and if that means resorting to some slightly underhanded tactics then so be it. Part of the Series: Coulson Lives, but the Avengers might be the death of him.


"Can we take a minute to talk about how crazy this is?" Steve's expression was calm, serious, but there was the faintest tension in his shoulders, in the way he carried himself, making it clear that he was far more nervous than he was willing to let on.

"Seems kind of pointless," Tony shrugged nonchalantly, casting a patronizing glance at the other man as the pair walked resolutely, shoulder to shoulder down the corridor of SHIELD headquarters. Agents bustled past, giving the pair a wide berth, ignoring their presence as if it were expected. And why shouldn't they be? The Consultant and The Test Subject. They were a part of SHIELD as much as anyone, maybe not gears that fit in the machine as much as extending components but their presence shouldn't be concerning.

"What makes you say that?"

"If it weren't crazy it wouldn't be an Avengers initiative." Stark declared. Steve let out a sigh and Tony was struck by how young he looked. For all Stark's teasing, Rogers was was still a young man in his twenties, in reality more than a decade Tony's junior rather than the old man Stark tended to think him.

"Fair enough," Steve admitted as they boarded the elevator. Captain America folded his arms over his chest in a manner that most people would take for intimidation. Stark knew better. Tony fished his phone from his pocket as the lift began to move and he raised it, tapping a few icons. The overhead lighting shut off as the emergency lights flickered to life and the lift ground to a halt.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Tony asked, no hint of judgement in his tone.

"No!" Steve protested readily. He paused, an exasperated sigh on his lips. "I just... don't trust Fury."

"I don't trust him either, but that's not the point," Tony answered seriously. "We have to make a choice, and for right now what Fury wants is basically the same thing we want. I can't say that about our other options."

"You don't need him," Steve pointed out, his brow furrowing. Tony gave him a look.

"The others do," Tony reminded. "Even you. You and Banner could both go off the grid, I know, but you can't tell me that's what you want, and we both know it isn't what he wants. And you're right about me; Selflessness doesn't come naturally to all of us, and I'm not sure you should trust me to make the altruistic choice. But what you can trust me to do is protect what I want, and I want Bruce Banner in my R&D lab in New York, and I want backup I can actually work with. So it doesn't matter that I don't need Fury. I want the Avengers." Rogers considered his words for a moment before nodding in understanding. Tony wasn't sentimental, it was one of the few things about the man that reminded him of Howard. He would never come out and say that he cared about someone, he'd show it. This was Tony showing it.

"Do you really think we can pull this off?" Steve asked nervously. Tony scowled at him in irritation.

"If you've got a better idea, now's the time," Tony answered. "Let's have it Star Spangled Man with a plan."

"Don't," Steve bristled, his brow knitting in a dark glower as he stabbed a finger in Tony's direction. Stark blinked back at him in surprise, taken aback by the sheer force of Captain America's anger. He opened his mouth to offer a retort but Steve cut him off.

"Just... don't."

Tony shifted a half step away from him, watching him out of the corner of his eye cautiously as he tapped his phone again. The lights came back up and the lift resumed motion as Captain America folded his arms over his broad chest. They continued on in silence, Stark keeping a wary eye on his companion.

"I'm sensing I might have crossed a line here," Tony observed, trying to appear cheerful. Rogers shot him a look of disdain that could have curdled milk. Tony arched his eyebrows in surprise, facing forward and casting the occasional awkward glance at Captain America. The doors opened with a hiss and Rogers strode down the hall, Tony on his heels.

"You ready?" Tony asked, his hand on the door latch, his usual snark glaringly absent.

"Just like we talked about," Steve nodded. Tony nodded as well. His back straightened and a look of conceit chiseled itself into his features. He turned the door handle.

"Mike Wazowski! Invade any countries today?" Tony threw out his greeting with a grin that bordered on mocking and Nick Fury pinned him with a glare nearly as contemptuous as the one Rogers had given him in the elevator.

"And I had such high hopes for a good day today," Fury's voice dripped with sarcasm, his eye narrowing as Tony lounged in one of the chairs before his desk. Steve hung back a few feet, folding his arms in a way that made him look like one of his own propaganda posters. Fury's gaze turned to him. "Back from your road trip already?" It wasn't a question, not really.

"I went to the Jersey Shore," Steve remarked with an elegant shrug. "It's not like I remember it."

"I'll bet," Fury observed drily. "What atrocity did I commit in a previous life to deserve you two here?"

"Nothing too egregious, I'm sure," Tony shot back. "Cap and I had a little sit down and we got to talking, you know the usual stuff; metaphysics, bioethics, the fact that you can't get good cheesecake outside of Brooklyn."

"How hard is that, really?" Steve asked in exasperation. Fury rolled his eyes as Tony nodded in agreement.

"Anyway," Stark continued without missing a beat. "Steve mentioned he was looking to settle down somewhere, put down roots, and as it turns out STARK Industries really needs a hopped up super soldier on staff." Fury's jaw twitched imperceptibly, his eye sliding from Stark to Rogers and back but neither man seemed to give up any sort of emotion.

"Are you implying that you intend to make the Avengers Initiative a permanent unit?" Fury asked with a foreboding glare.

"I'm not intending anything," Tony answered easily. "It' a done deal, signed on the dotted line. Cap and the big guy have already moved in, I've got suites under reno for the rest of the team."

"And you think I'm just going to go along with that?" Fury asked, emotionlessly. "You think we don't watch Banner's every move? Or yours."

"I think you're not as good as you think you are," Tony replied. Fury gave him a cold glare and Stark pulled his phone from his pocket. "JARVIS, kill the holo-projectors in my lab."

"Right away, sir," The AI's voice intoned. Fury's eye widened slightly and a moment later the tablet on Fury's desk began to ping frantically. He stared at it a moment in irritation before tapping out a message and turning it over.

"I guess there's no point in asking where Banner is." Fury remarked coldly.

"We used to call them undisclosed locations," Steve answered.

"Which is why we won't be disclosing," Tony added in smug amusement.

"All right," Fury leaned forward, folding his hands on his desk. "You have my attention. Why are you here?"

"Well, we could do this on our own," Tony observed. "But then I'm going end up testifying before congress again, it's probably better if I avoid that."

"Or you could authorize us," Steve stated easily. "And then you get to be the man who got the "Iron Man weapon" in the hands of the government."

"I resent that," Tony smirked. "And we'll throw in the Hulk. It's like the biggest score in spy history."

"Except that I won't actually have anything in my hands," Fury's eyes narrowed. "Will I?"

"It's the sacrifices we make for things that look good on our resumes," Tony replied.

"You have a resume?" Steve asked curiously.

"Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist," Tony answered.

"That covers it," Steve conceded.

"And you think I'm going to put you in charge of a team I have to take the heat for?" Fury demanded.

"Hell no," Tony snorted. "I think we all know I'm not leadership material. You're going to put him in charge." he jerked a thumb at Captain America.

"Tony's going to be my second in command," Steve declared. "Sort of, I work better with a second who doubles as an older brother who can take me down a peg."

"I'm going to try really hard not to be offended by that, Rumpelstiltskin," Tony shot out. Fury gave them both a long scrutinizing look.

"Why are you in here?" He asked finally. Steve made to reply but Fury cut him off. "I know what you're doing here. You can't help but be loyal." His eye narrowed as it turned on Stark.

"You, I don't have one good reason to believe this bull shit from you," Fury observed. "So explain to me what it is you're really getting out of this."

"When I find people I can actually work with I tend to hire or buy them," Tony answered. "And this lot comes with too much baggage to hire." Fury gave him a look of incredulity.

"I'm lonely?" Tony offered up sarcastically. Steve blinked, watching the look on Fury's face as he couldn't see the expression on Stark's. There was something in the director's eye that made him seriously wonder if the statement had been quite as cynical as it seemed.

"If I agree to this," Fury paused, eyeing them both. "And I'm not saying I am, what do you want?"

"Contracts and salaries for Cap and Banner," Tony stated. "Banner gets to keep his intellectual property rights, Thor gets diplomatic status."

"And Clint and Natasha," Steve added.

"Yeah, we'll take them too," Tony nodded as if he were ordering off the menu. Fury's mouth drew up in a thin, irritated line.

"They're too valuable for me to release," he stated with a scowl. A moment passed and the faintest concession eased the lines of his brow. "I might be willing to assign them to you as auxiliary as long as they're not on another mission. "

"I think they could live with that," Steve shrugged at Tony's questioning glance.

"Barton wants his own quinjet," Tony added. Fury bristled, his expression twisting. He took a deep breath and it eased slightly.

"I'd have to see what I can arrange," He ground out.

"I suppose a squad of Avengers cheerleaders would be too much?" Tony asked with a cheeky grin.

"Get the hell out of my office!" Fury barked as Steve struggled not to laugh.

"Is that a no?" Tony asked, standing easily to his feet. Fury met his eye with a hard glare. All three of them were well aware the question hadn't been about the cheerleaders.

"I'm going to need to assign you a handler," Fury stated finally. Steve and Tony looked at each other in mild surprise. They'd expected that, they hadn't really expected to be offered a choice.

"We'll have Coulson then," Tony turned back to him with a faint smirk. Steve went rigid, his eyes widening and Fury froze. His eye swiveled to Stark with a predatory look, flicking to Rogers only long enough to observe that the color had drained from his face.

"Who told you?" Fury demanded finally.

"I worked it out on my own," Tony replied with an expression of satisfaction.

"Phil's _alive_?" Captain America uttered the words with more shock than he'd felt the day Fury had told him it was the twenty-first century.

"Coulson isn't back on duty for another three days I'll send him over with the contracts then," Fury finally acquiesced. "Don't hold your breath on the jet."

"I have a lot of faith in you," Tony countered easily, grasping Steve's arm and shoving him out the door.

"Phil's _alive_?" he repeated. Tony only smiled smugly in return. "How long have you known?"

"I didn't really," Tony admitted, lowering his voice. "Right after the battle I saw some data that made me suspicious. Look, if I'd been sure..."

"No, it's ok, I just," Steve took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as his eyes watered slightly. He seemed unable to continue.

"Yeah, me too, Cap," Tony admitted. Steve glanced at him in surprise, a smile slowly curling his lips.

"We pulled it off," Tony reminded smugly as they boarded the elevator.

"Yeah," Cap nodded as Tony fished his phone from his pocket. "You telling Bruce that he can stop hiding in the garage?"

"Yeah," Tony nodded, snickering as he shot off a text. "You have to admit, it was brilliant. If this had gone south, SHIELD would have scrambled to hunt him down. No one would be paying attention to the Tower."

"One of the best plays I've ever seen," Steve agreed with a smile. Tony paused for a long moment.

"That bit you said back there, about an older brother," Tony began hesitantly.

"Bucky kept me straight," Steve admitted with a pained expression. "For as long as I can remember. I was a dumb, scrawny kid and I'd rather get beat to hell than see someone else's feelings hurt. It's stupid but I can't stop doing it. Bucky was the one that kept me from getting killed. You... you remind me a little of him sometimes." Steve stared awkwardly away.

"I just meant not to call me that ever again, old man," Tony huffed out. Steve turned to look at him, wide eyed, catching the spark in Tony's eye. He burst out laughing.

"You're an unbelievable jerk," Steve observed.

"Yes I am," Tony declared proudly.

"Tony," Steve grinned as they stepped off the elevator, heading down the corridor. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


End file.
